THIS CAR

has been outside my parents house for days, I want it. It doesn't even have license plates so the vague plan is to find a skeleton key and claim salvage. (Are salvage rules are the same for boats and cars?)

Probably not.

BANKERS

Bankers portrayed as wretched despots is nothing new, how incredible if bankers dressed as they do in Mary Poppins, then maybe the tabloids would start saying something new. Perhaps wearing a red carnation daily would stop you frittering away other people's money. Unlikely, nice idea though.